Lessons in Manliness
by Sakuchi-san
Summary: Around the skyscraper Matsuda is being used as a human doormat. Light and L always get him to go fetch stuff for them, but as much as he doesn't like it he can't say 'no'. But with the help of Mello's attitude and lessons, Matsuda may be able to gain some backbone. Or be turned into a monster.
1. Coffee Fetcher

The skyscraper wasn't an active place on weekend mornings. Business was often slow except for the odd case or investigation to do. L busied himself on the computer and eating powdered doughnuts, Light shifted through old files he'd dug up, and Matsuda was goofing around with a house of cards.

"This is the tallest I've ever got it! I wonder if I could make it touch the _ceiling!?_ That would have to be a record of some kind." Matsuda said as he opened another pack of cards and climbed on the couch to add more to the card tower. "I knew spending $50 on cards was a good investment."

While Matsuda was clamoring over his card tower, Light was just draining his cup of coffee. _I need more coffee...but I don't feel like getting up to get anymore. Why's the coffee maker so far away? _Light thought heavily._ Hmm... _"Hey Matsuda! Get me another cup of coffee, would ya?" Light called.

The sudden noise startled Matsuda and his card tower wobbled. "Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall!" Matsuda pleaded as he tried to steady the tower. When it was finally steadied he looked over at Light. "Another cup of coffee? Seriously, couldn't you get it yourself? And don't yell, it'll topple."

Light straightened up in his chair and cleared his throat. "_NO._ I'm busy with something too, so _you _go get me _coffee. Understand?_" Light said impatiently as he held the cup out to Matsuda. "Come on, it's not going to float over there, now is it?"

Grumbling, Matsuda stalked over to the waiting cup, took it, then went inside the kitchen to make more coffee. He added the cinnamon creamer that Light always used. A few minutes later he returned and handed the cup to Light. He was about to continue with his card tower when L spoke up.

"You wouldn't mind getting me a cup of coffee too, would you? Geniuses need caffeine." L asked as he held up his empty coffee mug and shook it. "Oh and another pack of powdered doughnuts, this pack's empty now."

Matsuda paused in his card building and said, "But I was-"

"Coffee Matsuda, thank you." L said without waiting for Matsuda to finish his sentence. "And the doughnuts."

So once again Matsuda got down from the couch, put down the cards, and went to go make L his coffee. When he came back with the doughnuts and coffee, Light had a complaint about his coffee. "In fact I change my mind. Matsuda, I rather have my coffee black. Go make it again."

"Uh, wha-?" Matsuda asked but what he was thinking was: _Really? REALLY? Why didn't you say that the FIRST time! _Instead of saying that he quietly took Light's cup and started for the kitchen. Then L spoke up again.

"Oh Matsuda, get the sugar cubes for me. You didn't put enough in my coffee. Sweet tooth, remember?" L called after Matsuda before he went in to the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure whatever." Matsuda said blandly walking for the kitchen. While fixing Light's coffee over again he thought: _Why is everyone so picky today? I thought Light liked cinnamon creamer, turns out he likes his coffee black...like his damn soul...if he has one. He could've told me that sooner._

After preparing the coffee Matsuda went to the pantry to take out another bag of sugar cubes. _And L. I __know he's smart__er than me, but he's a lazy genius.__ Plus, I could've sworn I put enough sugar cubes in his coffee. At least 10 of them! How much more could he need!?_

Steadily Matsuda made his way back out into the lounge. He went and plopped Light's new cup of coffee on the table beside him and set the sugar cubes next to the computer monitor in front of L. Then he stood in front of the two and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited still.

Finally he let out a tired sigh and turned around to his card tower. _And they don't even give me a thank you. I practically had to grow arms to make them their stuff. What are they, immune to feelings? _

"I forgot to tell you something Matsuda." Light said from above the rim of his coffee cup.

Hurriedly Matsuda turned around. _Thank you? Is he going to say 'Thank you'? He DOES have a heart! _He stopped and waited patiently for Light to continue.

Light smiled the most pleasant smile he could muster. "You know, I don't feel like hot coffee today anyways. Run down to the store on the corner and pick up some ice coffee. Chop, chop, I don't have all day."

Light's command was interrupted by L tossing the bag of doughnuts into the trash. Matsuda watched it explode in a white dust cloud in the trash bin. "Ick, they were stale. While you're at the store you could pick up another bag, Matsuda." L said turning back to the computer monitor.

Crestfallen and moral crushed, the only thing Matsuda could do was stare at L and Light. _What's wrong with these two!? Do their legs not work for themselves? Or are they just lazy ass geniuses?_

"Don't stand there Matsuda. _Coffee, remember?_" Light said impatiently.

"I am in need of doughnuts now." L stated simply.

Letting out a loud, frustrated sigh Matsuda marched out the door slamming it on the way out. And the card tower fell. _Ugh, why couldn't I say no?! Am I crazy!?_

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

_**Just giving thanks to It's A MadWorld for the fanfic title! I could not hold the glory for such a title. Thanks again!**_


	2. Mello's New Student

It was a hot day when Matsuda went out to the convenience store, _very hot. _For a short walk to the corner store he was already sweating through his suit before he got there. It was a relief when he finally got into the AC. _I think I'm gonna take my time in here, let them wait for their stuff. _Matsuda thought as he strolled the small aisles.

While walking the aisles he spotted the new copy of _Shonen Jump_ on the magazine rack. "Ah! I haven't been able to buy one of these in weeks. And I think I have just enough money to buy it-oh wait." Matsuda said to himself as he pulled the bills out of his pocket. "I still have to buy Light and L their stuff..."

For almost ten minutes Matsuda looked from the magazine, to the sugar, to the coffee, then to the money. He would've repeated this for another ten minutes if a voice hadn't spoken up behind him. And it was someone he didn't want to deal with at the moment.

"Yo Pops, you gonna buy the magazine or look at the pictures?" Mello demanded as he shoved past Matsuda. "If you're not going to get it, then move it. Why are you standing there like a moron anyways?" He said harshly as he snatched a copy of _Shonen Jump_ from the rack.

_This day just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? _Matsuda thought sarcastically. "Good day to you too Mello. I was trying to decide whether or not to buy this week's edition since I haven't gotten one in so long. It sure looks like a good one..." He said, wistfully looking at the magazine.

"Then why don't you _buy_ it? With the green paper called _money?_" Mello asked speaking to Matsuda like a three year-old. He had already wandered away to the candy aisle to buy some chocolate bars. "You didn't just come in here just to look at stuff, did ya?"

"N-n-no!" Matsuda stuttered looking over to where the sugar and iced coffee was. "It's just that Light and L wanted me to get them some stuff from here, so I have to buy that before I get the magazine." He scratched the back of his head nervously.

Mello cut Matsuda a glare from over in the candy aisle. "_Really?_ Just buy what you want and screw the others. It's your money right? Why pay for someone else's crap? They can get their asses up and get it themselves if they really wanted it."

"I know that but, you know...They already told me to and I already told them yes and I'm already here... So, you know." Matsuda babbled on nervously still looking at the magazine in the rack. _I really want that magazine..._

"Oh I know all right. You just don't know when to say 'no' to anybody. I've seen lots of people like you and you know what I call them? _COWARDS._" Mello said while scooping up a handful of Hershey chocolate and Snickers. "It doesn't surprise me that you are."

Matsuda's face turned scarlet with anger as he stomped his foot. "Hey! I am not a coward! I'm just doing something nice because they're my friends. Or at least I think they are... But I'm not a coward!" He said huffily as he balled up his fists.

"Alright then, I'm not your friend. So pay for these." Mello said as he walked toward Matsuda with an armload of candy. There had to be at least $25 worth of candy in Mello's arms, plus the magazine buried under it. He stood in front of Matsuda and waited. "_Pay for them right now."_

"Uh, umm, well..." Matsuda didn't know what to say. _I could say 'no'. I mean it's easy to say it, just two letters, one syllable. Just say 'no'. Like in school and drugs. No, no, no. Sure, he's scary for a kid and he may be part of some illegal activity, but I could still say 'no'. I CAN DO THIS!_

"Uh, sure. Of course. Um, how much is it?" _Dammit. Epic fail. _

Letting out a sigh, Mello watched Matsuda with disdain. "I actually feel sorry for you Pops. At this rate, random bums on the street will have you buying cars for them. You need help, _serious_ help. And I may be the one to help you get a backbone."

"_YOU? _Help _me? _You're not sick, are you? You'd never help me of your own free will. You're sick, aren't you? Don't give whatever you have to me!" Matsuda asked backing away from Mello and looking at him suspiciously. "Or do you have something else in mind? Like _robbing_ me!?"

Letting out a tired sigh Mello freed one of his hands just to facepalm himself. "Why are you such a moron? I don't believe there's someone your level of stupid. I'm deciding to help you of my own free will, so be grateful because you REALLY need it. So, deal?" Mello asked holding out his leather-gloved hand.

"Oh, deal! Finally I won't be a walking doormat anymore!" Matsuda cheered happily pumping Mello's hand up and down enthusiastically.

"Good, and you can sign this paper since you've agreed." Said Mello digging into his pocket and pulling out a sheet of paper. "It's for the community hours I have to do to get off probation from jail. Sign on the dotted line."

_PROBATION!? JAIL!? What happened to doing this of his own free will?! And what did he do this time?_ Thought Matsuda as he stared at the probation letter. "Is it too late for me to back out?" He asked nervously.

"Yes. Now sign the paper. Toughen up lessons start tomorrow morning. And they _HURT._"


	3. Tough Guy Walk

The next morning Matsuda was up bright and early waiting for Mello to arrive at the building to begin his lessons. He waited for nearly two hours before Mello decided to show up. And by that time the sun had risen high in the sky and the heat was sweltering.

When Mello finally climbed out of the taxi to stand on the curb the soles of Matsuda's shoes were already melting on the sidewalk. Mello took one look at Matsuda and thought, _I'm in for a long session, aren't I? _Walking over to his 'pupil' he asked, "Why are you standing out in the heat? It's 90 degrees out."

Matsuda swiped the sweat off his face and tugged on his collar. "Oh, I got up early while it was still cool and waited for you to come. I thought you'd be here early...turns out I was wrong." He said testily, his attitude plummeting from standing in the heat for two hours.

"I did show up early. I usually don't get up until around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. You should be greatful that I'm showing this type of consideration. Besides, no one told you to stand outside in the heat with a _black suit _on, dumbass." Mello said removing a bag from out of the taxi. "Here, take this inside."

"Fine." Matsuda said taking the bag and turning to go back in. Then he heard Mello whistle from behind him. He turned around just in time to get a sharp, light jab on the face from Mello. "Why. Did. You. DO THAT? It hurt!"

"You just failed your first test. You were supposed to say 'no', idiot. Keep this up and I'll have to get a thesaurus to look up more words for 'stupid'." Mello said as he walked inside with Matsuda trailing behind rubbing his cheek.

* * *

When they finally got situated in one of the rooms in the skyscraper Mello began his first lesson. "Okay the first thing I need to teach you is how to walk and intimidate people. Let me see how you walk." He said, sitting on the sofa and opening a bar of chocolate.

"Alright, just need to stretch." Matsuda said beginning some yoga exercises.

"Just walk dammit!" Mello ordered impatiently from the sofa.

"Okay, okay. No need for profanity." Then Matsuda began to walk back and forth across the room. He kept doing this until he was sure it was enough then decided to stop. "So? How was it? Intimidating right?" He asked Mello hopefully from across the room.

"Just like I suspected. You walk like a pussy." He said harshly standing up from the sofa. Matsuda stood there, frozen to the spot for several minutes. "Don't just stand there, do it again! And this time put some terror into it." Mello instructed.

"Terror, okay got it." Matsuda said giving himself a firm nod and began walking again. This time he actually felt like he was doing something right. _Boy, I bet I look tough now. Light and L won't know what hit 'em. I'll be tough guy on campus. _He thought cheerily and let a small smile appear on his face as he walked.

That's when Mello called out to him. "Stop, stop, _STOP! _Really!? Now you look like you have something shoved up your ass. Or like an animal that's not used to having _legs._ Sit down, let me show you how it's done." This time Mello demonstrated his intimidation walk. To Matsuda it looked like Mello had a bone to pick with anyone and anything. From the sofa Matsuda raised his hand timidly.

"Uh, Mello? Am I supposed to look constipated when I walk? I don't think that'll make L and Light respect me. Constipation is no joke really. I remember this one time after eating a bunch of gummy bears that happened to me. My stomach ached for hours."

Mello scowled and stopped walking. Calmly he said, "Matsuda come here."

"Uh, why?"

"I didn't ask you why. Just come here."

"I don't think it'll be good for my health if I do."

"It won't be good for your health if you don't."

"But-"

"MATSUDA GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"

Matsuda reluctantly got up and went over to Mello. "Yes?"

_*SMACK*_

"YOU FAILED!"

"Why do I fail!?"

"Because you came over here."

_*SMACK*_

"But you told me to!"

"You were supposed to say 'NO'! RETARD!"

_*SMACK*_

"Is this about calling you 'constipated'!?"

"On second thought, YES IT IS!"

_*SMACK_*

"Please stop _hitting me!_"

After Matsuda's 'failing' both he and Mello agreed to meet up for the next lesson the day after tomorrow. Matsuda would need time to recover from his bruises.


	4. Dog Vest

After two days of recovering from his bruising, Matsuda was ready for his next lesson in being a 'tough guy'. Mello led him into the same room they were in yesterday and told Matsuda to sit down. Then he began digging around in his black duffel bag.

"Got it! Alright now stand up Matsuda." Mello said as he pulled a black vest with a lightning bolt on it from the duffel bag. "Put this on. Then strap it _tight_. Understand that, Slow Sally?"

Matsuda took the vest shooting an irritated glance at Mello. "I'm not a Slow Sally, thank you very much. But this vest is _awesome! _Where'd you get it and why did you get it?" Matsuda asked strapping the vest tightly onto his torso then turning to admire himself in the mirror.

"I got this on sale from the pet store downtown. It's one of those vests they put on dogs to help treat them of their fear of lightning. Has about 1,000 volts of electricity laying dormant in it and I can activate it with one push of a button." Mello explained holding up a small remote control with a red, green, and yellow button on it.

"Wait a second-so what you're saying is that this thing can _ELECTROCUTE _me!? GET IT OFF!" Matsuda shouted as he began to tug at the vest. He only got one strap off before he felt a jolt shoot through him. "OUCH! THE FU-! OUCH! _QUIT IT!_" He yelled at Mello who was repeatedly tapping the green button on the remote.

"I'll stop only if you stop undoing the claps on the vest. You need to wear this as some motivation to become tough. Plus, I can shock you if you say something stupid. Which is like every sentence that comes out of your mouth." Mello said as he pressed the red button to turn the vest off. "Now, on to the lesson for today: scowling."

"Scowling? But doesn't that give you frown lines? I don't want to look 50 when I'm 24. OUCH! Alright, alright, teach me. Just stop pressing that button." Matsuda said sitting on the couch across from Mello and rubbing the small of his back.

"Good. Now, scowling one of the best ways to let someone know that they need to fuck off. It's a cross between looking pissed off and irritated. Plus, you can tell when someone's doing it because it has very distinct facial features."

"Facial features? But I can't tell if your doing it or not. It always looks like you're pissed off or irritated. Sometimes constipated, but you could always take a laxative for that so-OOOOUUUUCCCHH! SORRY, SORRY, SORRY!" Matsuda screamed as another painful jolt went through him.

Finally Mello lightened up on the electricity. "Do not open your mouth until I tell you to do so, got it? Since you think you know more than me, show me your scowl. I don't think you could do it though, your face is _abnormal. _Always smiling...disgusting."

Grumbling and rubbing the small of his back again Matsuda tried to put on his best 'scowl'. He twitched up one side of his mouth and then tried to raise his one of his eyebrows. When he looked across the room to the mirror the scowl, however, looked more like a seizure of a demented clown.

"Ugh, you do need help. That's all wrong, put a sneer on your face like a chained up dog. Maybe growl a little bit." Mello suggested putting his hand on his chin and looking at Matsuda's face. "Or maybe you should just remove your whole face. That'll be better."

_Sneer? Growl? Why in the hell would I GROWL? I want to scare Light and L, not eat them. He really must think I'm a dog. _Matsuda thought as he tried again to match Mello's description. This time when he looked in the mirror the scowl did make him seem angrier. _Almost more like Mello in a way..._

Shocked at the thought of looking like Mello Matsuda dropped the scowl. For doing this he was rewarded with a zap from the dog vest. "Ow! Stop doing that, I did it right."

"No, you _almost_ did it right. You didn't do the growl. That'll let 'em know you mean business. But you came close...I think there may be hope for you after all." Mello said as he began to pick up his stuff and pack it away. "We'll continue the lessons tomorrow. I'm going home."

"Wait, wait! Can I take the vest off now? My back is killing me and I think my brains may be scrambled eggs by now."

"Brains? You have those? I didn't notice. Anyways, you'll have to keep that on because I don't feel like taking it home."

"Keep it on!? How am I supposed to shower with it on!?"

"Don't worry, it's waterproof."

"I really don't want to keep this thing on tonight. I'll just take it off and leave it on the couch of something-"

_*ZAP*_

"OUCH!"

"I said that you're going to keep it on. This remote works in a 200 kilometer radius and the yellow button lights up when it shocks you. If it doesn't light up, then I'll know you're not wearing it. And there will be consequences. Got it?

_*ZAP_*

"OUCH! Yes, yes, yes! I got it, I got it! You're not going to press the button when I'm sleeping are you?

"Well, I'm not making any promises. Sleep tight."


	5. Trash Talk Fail

As he expected Mello toyed around with the remote in the middle of the night and come morning Matsuda was wide awake. He did manage to untighten the vest a little during sleep, but not enough to stop it from working. Something told him he should've torn it off despite Mello's warning.

He was snoozing on the couch when Mello appeared. "Wow, I didn't expect you to keep it on. I actually began to think the remote was broken when the yellow button kept flashing. Why the hell didn't you take it off? It should have been obvious." Mello said setting down his bag and taking out the devil remote.

Matsuda woke up groggily and shot Mello an irritated glance. "You said there'd be consequences if I took it off. I thought it was part of making me tough, you know, dealing with pain and all that? Also, even if I did want it off I can't get it off. The clasps rusted in the shower." He said as he yawned and stretched lazily.

Mello burst out laughing at what Matsuda said. It sounded unnatural coming from someone who usually doesn't laugh. "You actually _showered _in that thing? And then the clasps rusted? Man, they don't make idiots like you anymore...Anyways the remote broke so you won't have to worry about getting zapped."

"OH THANK GOD!" Matsuda said sitting up straight and smiling for the first time this morning. "Now all I have to do is figure out how to get this thing off..."

_*ZAP_*

"OUCH! REALLY!? I thought you said it broke!" Matsuda shouted at Mello when he felt the sharp jolt shoot through his torso. "Keep pressing that and I'm going to have a heart attack! Why do they even sell these things!? This is cruelty to animals! And _me!_"

"The remote did break. I just bought a new one from the pet store. Now stop whining and let's continue with the lessons. Today we're gonna go over smack talk and insults. This part should be painless for you unless you say something stupid."

Huffily Matsuda crossed his arms and stayed quiet while Mello explained the essentials of talking trash. The only thing that Matsuda got out of it is that you have to cuss a lot, yell a ton of insults, and talk about someone's momma.

After he finished explaining Mello said, "Alright, now show me your best trash talk. In fact, I'll give you permission to target me if you want. I won't even touch the remote if you manage to hurt my feelings. Which I doubt. So, give me your best shot."

At this Matsuda's mood lighted up. Throwing insults at Mello would make his day just a little bit better. "Okay! Let me think for a moment...umm, that's it! Your momma's so fat that-"

_*ZAP_*

"Hey! I thought you said you weren't going to touch to the remote. And I didn't even get to say the whole thing either!"

"I know that, but you and fat jokes don't seem to mix. Plus, I'm an orphan, dumbass. Your joke wouldn't have scarred me anyways. Try another."

"Um, okay...Oh I got a good one! You are so ugly that when you walk by a mirror you break it! Ha, ha, _ha! _Feeling hurt yet?"

_*ZAP_*

"OW. That was a good one!"

"No it wasn't. It was stupid and mediocre, anyone could've said that and it wouldn't have made a difference."

"Alright, how about this: You're so stupid that you make the stupidest person alive seem like Einstein! Admit it, that was a good one-"

_*ZAP_*

While Matsuda was rolling around in pain, Mello was shaking his head despondently. "Argh! You are SO HOPELESS! You can't even make a proper insult, let alone trash talk to somebody. And this should've been the EASY part!"

Matsuda stopped rolling around for just a moment to consider this. "Well, maybe I can't do anything because it's not you I'm trying to act tough for. It's Light and L, I just want them to stop using me as their male maid."

Mello stopped his berating and a wicked grin spread across his face. "Maybe you're right, village idiot. Tomorrow, we're going into the field."


	6. Breaking Point

Mello was actually there early the next day which was a big surprise to Matsuda. _He really must be serious about me getting 'tough'. I wonder what he has planned. _Matsuda thought as he watched Mello dig out two headsets and a portable monitor from his duffel bag.

"Here, put this on and flick the switch. I hope it fits because that was the only size the store had left and your head is very fat." Mello said as he handed Matsuda one of the headsets then put the other one on his head. "Okay...HEY FAT HEAD CAN YOU HEAR ME!?"

Matsuda flinched and yanked the headset off his ears. "Ow, why did you yell? You could just said 'testing, testing' like other people do. It was lucky I didn't turn the volume up or I would have been deaf." He griped rubbing his ears before he put the headset back on. "Why are we using these anyways?"

"We're using these so I can give you tips for putting up with Light and L. Just use your hair to cover it so they won't see. While you're down there, I'll be in this room looking at the monitor at what's going on. Depending on the situation I'll help you out."

"Ahhh, that's pretty smart. But won't they ask about the vest I'm wearing? I would take it off but the clasps are rusted shut still. Plus, it's 90 degrees outside..." Matsuda asked as he parted his hair to cover the headset. "They might think I'm going crazy for wearing a lightning bolt vest in this weather."

Mello paused to think for a moment then waved his hand in a 'nah' gesture. "They may wonder for awhile but then again it is _you _we're talking about. More than likely they'll think you're playing superhero or something. Also, I'll still need to shock the hell out of you if you do something stupid."

_Gee, thanks a lot. Now I can look like I'm having a seizure while talking to them. _Matsuda thought as he left Mello to walk down to the lounge. _There they are! Still doing the same things they do everyday...don't they EVER move from the same spot? Now, how would I get them to notice me-_

"There you are Matsuda. I was beginning to think you had gotten stuck in the revolving door downstairs again." L said without turning from the computer screen. "You've been missing for quite sometime now."

Light glanced up from his paperwork for a brief moment to catch a look at Matsuda. "And what the fuck are you wearing? You know it's 90 degrees out right? You're going to get heatstroke if you go out like that." Light said and then nonchalantly added, "Go get me some coffee. I don't feel like moving."

"_Now's your chance, dumbass. Let 'em have it! Tell him to fuck off and get his own shit." _Mello said through the headset on Matsuda's head. _"Make sure to scowl some when you say it too. Make them SWEAT." _

Taking a breath Matsuda began, "Light I would-" But that was as far as he got before he was interrupted.

"While you're at it I wouldn't mind one of those cupcakes from off the counter in the kitchen either." L said not bothering to look up at Matsuda. "Make sure you grab the strawberry one though, the one with yellow icing."

"_Yo, village idiot. TELL THEM OFF. Why are you just standing there like you crapped your pants? Do I need to give you a joybuzzer zap?" _Shouted Mello through the headset as he began to reach for the remote on the table. _"Get your ass moving!"_

"I would appreciate it if you two would go and get your own things for once." Matsuda began in a strong tone of voice. "I am not a maid and do not need to do everything for you two. I am A MAN." He finished off with crossing his arms and nodding his head firmly. _That oughta show them who's boss..._

Light stared at Matsuda for a moment before bursting into laughter. "Wow, that was the funniest thing I've heard in a while. Nice act and all Matsuda, but I really want me coffee now."

L had turned around in his computer chair to look at Matsuda too. "This is not the time to be making jokes Matsuda. I was very serious about my cupcake."

Matsuda was about to saw something else when he felt three sharp jolts pass through him. He resisted the urge to shout and jump forward like usual. Then Mello's voice sounded in his ear. _"What the hell was that!? 'I would apprciate'!? REALLY? That's for PANSIES!"_

For awhile all Matsuda could do was listen to the constant barrage of demands and insults until he felt a funny jolt. Not a jolt from the vest, Mello was too busy screaming at him to push the button, but a jolt from his _mind. _

And that's when Matsuda let all HELL break loose...and a monster was created.


	7. The Monster Unleashed

The first thing Matsuda did was tear off the electro-vest and toss it on the ground. The rusted clasps squealed in protest then came opened (though still intact). He was breathing very hard, almost to the point that he sounded like a rampaging bull and he couldn't seem to unbawl his fists. For the first time in his life, Matsuda has _snapped._

Mello was watching the whole phenomenon from the room above. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. _"Oh yeah. This is going to be good, let it rip!" _Mello called into the headset egging on Matsuda's explosion. His cheering was cut short when Matsuda savagely ripped the headset off his ears and flung it across the room.

While this was happening L looked on in horrid fascination and Light just looked plain horrified. Matsuda was now pacing around like a caged tiger, ready to pounce at any moment. None of them seemed to want to say anything, but if one of them didn't they were afraid Matsuda may start turning green. Light swallowed and decided to try his luck.

"Yo Matsuda, calm down a bit. We didn't know you were going to flip out like this. If you want you can just sit here and build another card tower or something-" Light said then stopped short. He placed a hand on Matsuda's shoulder and said, "Matsuda? You alright?"

Matsuda stopped his frantic pacing and arched his back away from Light. "Alright? Yeah, I'm alright. You know why? Because...FOR NOW ON YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT _I _SAY! And YOU CAN GET YOUR OWN GODDAMNED COFFEE!" He shouted fiercely whirling on Light and marching towards him.

Light began to slowly back away. "Hey, hey, hey now. No need to get huffy. In fact I'll go and get you something right now...ah, w-what do you want me to get?" He stuttered slightly still backing away until his back was against the wall.

Smiling menacingly Matsuda replied, "First off I want the new edition of Shounen Jump magazine with no bends, creases, or wrinkles. Second off, I want an orange Fanta that is ICE COLD. Thirdly, you are now 'I'mAGay" for now on until I say other wise. Is that clear '_I'mAGay_'!?" Matsuda demanded.

Light nodded vigorously, like a puppet on a string. He was in shock about what was happening right now.

Then Matsuda turned to start in on L now. "And _YOU, _Mr. I-Know-Everything aren't going to get off easy either!" He said to L who was now staring at Matsuda with a slightly dumbstruck look. "I want you to go and get _me _cupcakes. And you are not going to get SHIT. Also, I now designate _you _the VilliageIdiot. Now GO GET MY CUPCAKES."

L wasn't going to argue not one bit. Matsuda was frenzied up just enough that he might take into account attacking one of them. _It's better to do as he says for now...at least until I think of something. _L thought as he slowly got up and went to stand next to the frozen Light.

At that moment Mello decided to make an appearance. To L and Light's surprise he was applauding, like he was at one of the best movies of the year. "Finally! About time you show some real backbone and stick it to these jerks. I was beginning to think you were just going to be a pansy forever." He said walking up to Matsuda and giving him a punch on the arm.

Matsuda stood there for a moment glancing at Mello with a blank look on his face. Then his face broke into a wide, manic grin. He cocked his head to the side and said, "Oh yeah, I am finally showing some backbone, aren't I? I didn't know being the boss could feel this _good..._ya know?" He said as he bent down to pick up the electro-vest.

Mello saw what he was doing and produced the remote to the vest from his pocket. "Oh, I see. You wanna stick the vest on one of these losers here, eh?" He said pointing to L and Light who were still standing against the wall watching the whole thing. "Which one's it's gonna be? The ass or the ass?"

Picking up the vest and taking the remote Matsuda said nothing at first. Then he turned slowly towards Mello and started walking towards him. "I know who's gonna get this vest. YOU!" He yelled as he grabbed Mello by the collar. Though Mello was street-tough Matsuda was an adult and far stronger, even though he didn't show it.

"Wha-? Whoa now, hold on a minute! _I was the one who taught YOU._ You should be on your knees thanking _ME! _Without me you would still be a sniveling human doormat with a brain the size of a-WHAT THE FUCK!? PUT ME DOWN!"

His words were cut short as Matsuda forced the vest and rusted clasps shut around Mello's torso. Dropping him roughly on the ground, Matsuda seized the remote and began pressing the 'zap' button repeatedly and laughing maniacally. He watched Mello yell 'ow' and cuss repeatedly until he was tired of it and tossed the remote on the ground.

"Ugh, I'm bored now. You two! Why the hell are you still here!?" Matsuda shouted at L and Light who were still watching what was going on. "GO AND GET MY STUFF! MAKE IT SNAPPY! Oh, and take his ass with you." He said pointing his foot at Mello who was rubbing the small of his back.

"I am the KING of the Skyscraper! And I ROCK!" Matsuda said with evil joy as he left the room and the stunned people in it.


	8. Lights OUT

The next day Matsuda was still on his rampage. No longer having to be a human doormat empowered him to make _others_ the doormats. Others meaning Light, L, and Mello. Every second of the day Matsuda had one of them running an errand for him. Whether it was getting him a soda to massaging his feet, no stone was left unturned.

"Hey Ugly!" Matsuda called, using the nickname he designed for Mello. "Go and get me the remote off the coffee table." He commanded pointing to the remote that was a mere inches away from his feet. "And after you do that you could grab me another one of your chocolate bars."

Mello (aka Ugly) grumbled, "It's right there next to your fat feet. Get it yourself. And stop poaching chocolate off of me. You get paid so go and get your own damn-OUCH! THE FUCK MAN! Quit pushing that god-SHIT! OW!" Mello's grumblings were cut short by the zapping of the electro-vest that was still rusted on to him.

"Yada, yada, yada. All you do is look constipated and talk. Just do as I say." Matsuda said when he finally got the remote. TV didn't occupy him for long though because after flipping through a few channels he decided to call on L to do his bidding. "Oh VillageIdiot! I need more bon-bons! And make it quick! I don't like waiting."

L came quick enough with the bon-bons Matsuda requested, but with a rather reluctant attitude. This was his last box of secret bon-bons he had hidden in the very back of the fridge and he'd hate to give them up. Walking over to Matsuda he thrust out the box without looking and said, "Here. Take them."

It broke L's heart to give up those bon-bons and Matsuda knew this just by the look on his face and the resigned way he handed them to him. It almost made him feel bad. _ALMOST. _"Hey, don't leave yet. In fact you could stay and _watch me _eat them. Maybe you can pretend you're eating them, NOT!" Matsuda chuckled evilly as he devoured the candy.

While watching Matsuda eat his bon-bons L had to restrain himself from trying to kick a hole in his face. _Just deal with it. Once we figure out a plan to humble him some then, __THEN, I can kick the shit out of him. Just a matter of thinking of a plan... _L thought resentfully as he walked toward where Light and Mello were standing.

"Ugh, he's driving me insane! It wouldn't be like this if he hadn't stuck this vest on me. If this was off then the fight would've been on! And I would have won! You could count on it." Mello said heatedly clawing at the vest with vehemence. "Don't you have a plan already!?" He asked L when he came over.

Sighing L replied, "No, I haven't thought of anything else yet. We don't want to attack him when he's in this state or it would be disastrous. This alter-ego was probably caused by-"

Just then Light interrupted him. "Oh, I'll tell you what caused his alter-ego. Him just wanting to be an ass! And we're cowering over it! It's Matsuda for pete's sake...and I think it's about time I show him who's exactly boss of whom. Who's in!?" Light said fiercely beginning to march over to where Matsuda was louging.

Mello was about to follow suit when L caught him by the scruff of his neck and pulled him back. He silently shook his head and mouthed the word, 'no'. Something told him that this wasn't going to turn out well, not well _at all._

"Hey! King of Stupid! Me and you need to have a little chat about some things around here. Starting with who runs things around here." Light said pompously standing over Matsuda who was still eating sweets and watching television.

At the sudden interruption of Light, Matsuda glanced up disdainfully. His hair overshadowed his eyes in a sinister way as he got up slowly from the couch. "Look I'mAGay, I already knows who run things around here and that person is _ME_. _Understand? _And no one says otherwise unless you want to change that."

Light, sensing the opportunity to finally use some force, held up his fists eagerly. "I'd thought you'd never ask. Seeing as I'm about to kick your ass all the way to America I was wondering if you had any last words to-"

But that was as far as he got before Matsuda uppercut him. In an instant Light went from lights on to lights out. And Matsuda was the victor and the dictator.


	9. Intermission: Danish Stop

After Light awoke from his sudden nap time him, L, and Mello decided that they had to get out of the skyscraper and to some place else. If they were going to think of a plan then they needed to do it some place away from the King of the Skyscraper. They picked a cyber-cafe just down the street to hash out a plan.

When the three of them were finally seated at a booth L took it upon himself to order some strawberry danishes to eat. "Okay, now that Light has regained consciousness we could proceed with ideas on how to get Matsuda 'normal' again. If what he was before was normal to begin with..." L said munching on a danish.

"I don't care how he was before, I just want him to go back to being a pussy. At least then I could get a one-over on him. Now he's not even fazed by any comments I throw at him." Mello said spitefully as he reached for a danish. Before he could get one, L smacked his hand away.

"NO. You can't have _ANY _of these. I haven't had any sweets since Matsuda turned demonic, so this whole plate is for me. Go order some coffee or something." L said sliding the plate from Mello and closer to himself. He picked up another and devoured it.

Scowling Mello said, "You know I don't like coffee. Ask Light if he wants any-_oh yeah_. I forgot about how he's acting right now." Mello whispered to L as the two of them glanced across the table to Light.

Light was just sitting there, staring out of the window of the cyber-cafe. He didn't want to be there, but staying in the skyscraper right now wasn't the best choice. The only thing he remembered after the knockout was darkness, then Mello and L debating whether a dirty sock or a pair of underwear was going to wake him up.

He had gotten up and looked at L and Mello who were sitting across from him. But then he realized that he was looking out of one eye. L didn't portray any emotion, but Mello was in a fit of laughter and repeatedly jabbing his finger at his face. A mirror revealed that he had a purple bruise that took up most of his left cheek. Then they came here.

The swelling had gone down since they've came to the cafe, but not Light's anger. _I can't believe that just happened. In fact I refuse to believe that just happened. I mean, ME getting knocked out? No it can't be..._

While Light was thinking these whirlwind of thoughts L was discussing with Mello on how to get Matsuda back to his weird, spazzy, old self. L kept hitting the same snag over and over again though: who would Matsuda listen to if not to him, Light, and Mello?

Mello suggested that he could get his mafia friends to _talk _to him and L immediatlely ruled that out. "We want the old Matsuda back in _one piece_ not as a chalk outline, alright? But who has the authority to control someone who has experienced real power for the first time?"

Sitting in his thinking position L chewed meditatively on a danish while watching the people walking on the sidewalk outside the cafe'. Then all of a sudden the perfect person came into L's head.

The person to end to the reign of the King of the Skyscraper.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

_**Sorry for the wait on the update (back to school, of course -_-). Plus, the chapter's pretty short.**_

_** Anyways, it seems like L has a person in mind to stop Matsuda, but who do you think he choose? I created a poll on my profile for whoever wants a say in who L gets to stop Matsuda.**_

_**Matsuda: HEY GEEK! I'm waiting for that Xbox game, SNAP SNAP!**_

_**He's really starting to scare me now...**_


	10. Bringing Down the King

**_Sorry for the long update time, with school and all. But I finally got it out so let the final chapter commence! I'm sure it will please you._**

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

With the exact person in mind L, Light, and Mello left the cafe' and hailed a taxi down into the suburbs. They all rode in silence until L told the driver to stop at the house up ahead on a dead-ended street. All three climbed out of the car to look at the small yet intricate home that stood before them with it's lawn animals and flower beds.

"Well, this is it. The home of Ms. Touta, aka Matsuda's mother's house." L said as he walked up the stone path to the front porch. He continually had to weave in and out of various land gnomes and flamingos.

"I can see where Matsuda gets his weird perks from." Light said, speaking for the first time since the cafe'. "I guess his mom must collect these horrid things. They're freaking me out."

"ARRGH! These stupid shits are getting on my fucking NERVES!" Mello griped as he stumbled over yet another smiling gnome. He turned around and poised himself to kick one when the front door of the house swung open.

"Kick Mr. Sweetums and I'll give you a mouth full of pepper spray, you hooligan!" A small lady said from the front door. She had black hair with slivers of gray in it and was just a few feet smaller than L when he slouched. And she was holding a giant can of pepper spray...

L quickly held up his hands hurriedly and said, "No need for the weapons, Ms. Touta. We just came here to talk about your son, Matsuda. We're having a bit of a problem with him you see."

At the mention of her son, Ms. Touta lowered the can and instantly became worried. "Oh _dear! _Did my baby get hurt doing that dumb police job? I knew I shouldn't have let him join...but he was so insistent. I should have kept pressing for him to be a lawyer instead!" She fretted wringing her hands and approaching L.

_Lawyer? Honestly? He doesn't even know the meaning of the word 'lawyer' let alone be one. _Mello thought bitterly.

Once he had consoled Ms. Touta L told her that Matsuda wasn't in any danger, that he _was _the danger. Upon hearing this Matsuda's mother gave a small chuckle. "Really? My baby boy? He wouldn't hurt a fly, in fact I'm sure he's incapable of doing so."

"I beg to differ Ms. Touta. Light, please show Matsuda's mother your face. She going to need proof to our cause." Said L as he turned to Light who was staring downwards at a freaky looking yard gnome.

_Ugh, I really don't want to do this. _Thought Light as he reluctantly held up his head to display what was left of the bruise on his face.

"Oh my, my, _my! _This is serious! Come on you three let's get into my car and visit your headquarters...I have a son to discipline."

* * *

Eventually the four of them arrived at the skyscraper, no thanks to Ms. Touta refusal to speed up any on the interstate, turning around to get her purse, and her surprising stop to the bakery to grab cookies (L went too).

When the four entered the building they were immediately greeted by the sound of Matsuda's anime from the television. They came into the lobby to find Matsuda sprawled out on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, a dark scowl marking his face. Hearing the door slam to the lobby Matsuda called without looking up, "It's about damn time you got back! Where's my Shounen Jump magazine!?"

"_Excuse me mister! _Who told you you could use that type of language? It was definitely not taught to you."

The voice jolted Matsuda from the television and he hastily got up from the couch. "M-m-_MOMMY!?_ What're you doing here?" He stuttered when he caught sight of his mother among the others.

"I'm here to remind my son not to be a tyrant and order others around. I knew I taught you better than this. What's wrong with you?" His mother asked as she put the classic parent-pressure on.

Matsuda was quickly wilting under his his mother's gaze. "B-b-but mommy! I was just trying to be assertive."

"Assertive my bunions boy! Is what you did to that young man's face over there right? How many times did I tell you that fighting is never the answer?"

"Mommy! He started it! It wasn't my fault."

"I don't give a hoot who started it. What did I always tell you about getting in fights? Come on, out with it."

Sighing Matsuda said, "It's only a fight if you make it one. Always walk away."

"That's right." Ms. Touta said as her voice took on a watery tone. "I can't believe this would happen. My baby boy, a tyrant! For shame..." She said sadly as she turned away from Matsuda.

Now, nearly to tears himself, Matsuda thought, "_Please don't say it, please don't say it! I don't want to hear it! _But he heard it anyways...

"Matsuda, I am very disappointed in you. I thought you could do better."

And with that statement Matsuda burst into giant, rib-racking tears. "DON'T SAY T-T-THAT MOMMY! I'M SORRY, I'M S-SORRY! I DIDN'T M-M-MEAN IT! HONESTLY, I'M SORRY!"

Achieving the guilt that she wanted, Ms. Touta slowly turned around and opened her arms. "Awww, sweetums! Of course you didn't mean it! Don't cry my baby boy, come give mommy a hug!" She said happily.

"MOMMY!" Matsuda cried as he embraced his mother, still saying muffled promises into her shoulder. He finally stopped when his mother reached into her purple purse to get out the box of cookies.

"There, there. Look, I even stopped by that bakery you love so much and picked up a box of cookies for you. You can even share it with your friends if you want to."

"Yay!" Matsuda cheered with one arm around his mother and the other receiving the cookies. Then he turned to L, Light, and Mello who were still off to one side of the room. "Come on you guys! Sharing is caring! In fact, let's all have a _group hug!_" He called to them as he opened his arms too, with the cookies in one hand.

_I don't want to hug, but I sure want those cookies. _L thought as he walked over to join in the group hug. Light and Mello reluctantly joined after Ms. Touta threateningly held up her purse.

So the King of the Skyscraper was no more and L gladly devoured half of the cookies.


End file.
